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  • Charlotte McKernan

Why your dislike for yourself affects your relationships with others

Updated: Feb 6, 2021

I do not believe that we need to love ourselves before others do. Babies learn to love themselves because they are loved by others, and we love people all the time who struggle to love themselves. What I've witness, however, is that people who do not love themselves and who are not kind to themselves, doubt that their partner could ever love them.


If we are insecure, constantly tearing ourself down, and questioning our worth and value, we are going to have a hard time believing our partner when they say, "I love you."



If this is you, I invite you to take a moment and practice a brief meditation by #PatriciaBroderick.


Close your eyes and bring to mind someone whom you have felt close to in your life. Recall a time when you felt especially close to this person and make the memory as vivid as possible.


Visualize the event, and see if you can experience the feelings of being close.


Notice what this feels like in your body right now... Perhaps a feeling of opening or a lightening in your chest, your heart.


Really tune into the experience of being treated kindly.


Now, take the feeling of being loved and cared for, and direct this feeling toward yourself, offering the gift of loving-kindness to yourself.


Giving yourself the gift of self-love is especially powerful if we tend toward perfectionism or self-criticism. It can also be powerful to imagine the love that you feel for someone, and practice sending this love to yourself.